I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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