What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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