I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
