Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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