I just pynch a tree in the face
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
