ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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