the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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