Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Less talking, more tequila
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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