ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The best revenge is premature balding
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
