no, he came in my armpit
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
