Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
