This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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