is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
