So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
