Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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