How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
