just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
