After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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