She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
