dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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