you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
