Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
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