Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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