he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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