Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
