I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
