I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
