im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
