we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
