all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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