I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
