I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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