They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
