Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
There are leaves in my underwear?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
