I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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