apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
