You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
