i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
