ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
