Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
