I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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