Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
