Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
