thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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