look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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