It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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