I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
someone owes me an orgasm
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
