What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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