My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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