I wish I could teleport
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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