i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
