Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
