After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
