wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
