Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
