i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
