I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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