Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
