Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
