fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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