I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
