apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
