can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
be right there i have to get my cape
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
