Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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