A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize