I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
