WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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