i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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