ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
