I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize