Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
