So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
