Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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