Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
